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The Dirty Dozen and Bottom of the Barrel: Rankings are dumb and so am I

Yeah, so for anyone wondering...this is a regular College Football column that I do during the season each year and have done for the last oh, 10-years or so.

Because #2020 has pretty much turned EVERYTHING upside down in life, I thought this would be a good year to "not" do the column since it takes (a) a lot of time and (b) I'm trying to respect the craziness of football preparations this year.

But alas---I could not resist after seeing so many of the might fall and on the less inspiring side, see the same faces in well, the same places in the world of College Football.

I make no secret how much I despise most every College Football poll because despite what we'd like to think, name brands tend to do better than non-name brands no matter if the big names are good or not.

2020 is no different. I can already tell you this. Some combination of Alabama, Clemson, Georgia, Notre Dame and Ohio State and maybe Oregon will be in the College Football playoff (prove me wrong)...

But hey, this is our version of a poll. It's the called "The Dirty Dozen and Bottom of the Barrel" for a reason. The 12 best and 5 worst teams in College Football as we...ok, I...see them. I'll make picks for the coming week's game for each of those teams too. That, I'm very good at.

Debate them, argue them, prove me wrong. I'm perfectly willing to admit I'm wrong--though not very often.


  1. Clemson 4-0: Yup, the Tigers. Quite possibly the biggest no-brainer on the board. In an ACC only world, with Trevor Lawrence and Travis Etienne, they always have the advantage. This Week: at Ga. Tech; My Pick: Clemson 41, Ga. Tech 21

  2. Alabama 3-0: Again, yup. Loaded. Deep. However they may have a flaw...defense. Ole Miss absolutely shredded them, just not enough to win. This Week: vs. UGA; My Pick: UGA 35, Bama 31 UPSET!!!!!

  3. Ohio St. 0-0: Wait, what! Yes, I can pick a team that doesn't play until Oct. 24th. It's my poll. Do any of you REALLY think they won't be a top 5 team? Come on now....This Week: Still Waiting

  4. Georgia 3-0: Someone has to be here. The 'Dawgs D looks otherworldly though offense has a couple odd questions. Too much depth, too much talent. Plus Stetson Bennett IV, need we say more? This Week: at Alabama, My Pick: SEE ABOVE

  5. Notre Dame 3-0: Meh....not sold on these guys either, but who else is worthy right now? They play Clemson in a couple weeks, we'll find out then. This Week: vs. Louisville; My Pick: ND 37, Louisville 17

  6. Cincinnati 3-0: Yes, you read it right. The Bearcats!! In 2020, I would not want to mess with them. This is the best team you haven't heard of and Luke Fickell is the best coach. That's right. Cincinnati. This Week: at Tulsa; My Pick: Cincy 27, Tulsa 23

  7. Oklahoma St. 3-0: Is this a default Big 12 pick? Maybe. But the Cowboys will always have a chance with Dozen favorite Chubba Hubbard. This Week: at Baylor PPD

  8. North Carolina 3-0: Sam Howell may be the best QB you haven't heard of yet. Not sold on the other parts of this team, arguably they're here by default. This Week: at FSU (oops); My Pick: N. Carolina 45; FSU 23

  9. BYU 4-0: The schedule is weird since they're an independent, so the schedule basically includes anyone willing to play them. This Week: at Houston; My Pick: BYU 33, Houston 31

  10. Louisiana 3-0: The Cajuns haven't played in a couple weeks (Thanks COVID!), but they've pulled more than a couple upsets so far. Unlike Wilkie, I don't see 'em running the table, but hey, in 2020, you never know. This Week: vs. Coastal Carolina; My Pick: Ragin Cajuns 41, Coastal 27

  11. Penn St. 0-0: No, the Nittany Lions haven't played yet either, this is a bit of a legacy pick. But they have some parts in theory which should make them a pretty good team this season. We'll see. This Week: Still Waiting

  12. SMU 4-0: Sonny Dykes for president?? This could be the AAC's best team. If they run the table, they should at least be in a Pick six bowl. Right? Shane Buechele is playing better than ever in his 15th college season. This Week: at Tulane; My Pick: SMU 30, Tulane 24

Right now, if you have one loss, you probably aren't qualifying in my poll because welp, there should be a penalty involved for that. But...the loser of Ga./Bama, is likely better than most all of these teams.

And now....

The part you've all been waiting for?

THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL: (a.k.a CFB's 5 Worst teams)

5. LSU 1-2: Ok, so I admit I'm taking advantage of an opportunity here, but have you seen this team attempt to play defense? Dude, they're not good and Bo Pelini...makes me wonder if Coach O actually hired Faux Pelini (look it up). This Week: at Florida (yikes!); My Pick: Gators 51, Tigers 41

4. Florida St. 1-3: Yeah, so I may be an opportunist though I'm sure Brother Jon agrees with this pick. The Semi-Noles well, have not been good, in any aspect. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. This Week: vs. North Carolina; My Pick: SEE#8 in the Dozen....

3. Kansas 0-3: If the biggest news your team has made is for the coach (Les Miles) getting COVID, you're having a crappy season. For the Jayhawks, it's the norm. They've been bad for a really, really long time. Not much has changed. This Week: at W. Virginia; My Pick West Virginia 47, Kansas 16

2. Vanderbilt 0-3: I always forget how fu-tile the Commodores have been for so long. It's easy to do I suppose. I do like HC Derrick Mason but it's time to move on. At least this weeks game is a PPD. This Week vs. Missouri PPD COVID

1. Louisiana Monroe 0-5: The Warhawks alone are dragging down the exceptional SunBelt this season as one of CFB's worst teams. Though they did drop 30 in a loss vs. my alma mater Ga. Southern. This Week: BYE

And thus concludes our list for what is "Week One" for me. I'm serious, why bother with rankings until now? Over the next few weeks, the Big 10, Mountain West, MAC and Pac 12 all return to action--and to be perfectly honest, I'm not sure how much or if that will change my list, at all....

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