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The Dirty Dozen and Bottom of the Barrel: Do You Wanna Touch Me There?

Welcome to the House of Fun my friends, welcome to the house of fun.....

We're two games in to the College Football season and a certain segment of the public have already proclaimed the LSU Tigers as College Football's best team.

Okay, no, actually they didn't but the Tigers were damn impressive last week in their shootout with Texas.

BTW--If you are wondering about the headline--it comes from this (awesome 80's song):

I feel it is my solemn duty to keep some of you educated on forgotten music and lyrics--well, because it's always better to be informed.

Inform you I shall---if you saw last week's debut column, you know what I'm getting to. College Football Polls and Predictions.

And for those of you new to this---I'm pretty damn good at the prediction thing.

Last Week: 11-2. I don't pick the spread because--well, Sports.....and it's my column.

So, without much further ado, it's "On With the Countdown"....


1. Clemson 2-0: There was little doubt the Tigers were going to beat Texas A&M. While it wasn't #BigNumbers, the game was never really in doubt. This is a scary deep, physical team with little challenge in front of them. This Week: at Syracuse; Pick: Clemson 43, Syracuse 13

2. Alabama 2-0: Is not Whiny Alabama, the best Alabama? Nobody really feels bad for them about, well, anything. They're Alabama. They also are very, very good as usual. At the moment, they still ride the SEC perch, but will it stay that way?? This Week: at South Carolina; Pick: Alabama 37, S.Carolina 10

3. Georgia 2-0: Another scary good team still getting its act together. Their 3rd team is easily a Top 20 squad anywhere else. Ok, maybe I'm exaggerating, but you get the point. This Week: vs. Arkansas State; Pick: Georgia 47, Ark. State 23

4. LSU 2-0: Unlike many, I'm not ready to annoit the Bayou Bengals as 'Bama's successor. But they are much, much improved. Joe Burrow finally looks like a star QB than a game manager as the offense moves to the 21st century. But the defense gave up a LOT to Texas too. This Week: vs. Northwestern St (really guys??); Pick: LSU 53, NW State 21

5. Ohio State 2-0: Really tOSU and Oklahoma are kinda interchangeable this early. The Buckeyes continue rolling and haven't really been challenged as Justin Fields gets experience at QB. This Week: at Indiana; Pick: Ohio St 31, Indiana 23

6. Oklahoma 2-0: Uh boy. It already looks like Jalen Hurts could be the next Heisman Trophy QB in Norman. Maybe it's Lincoln Riley's system, but if you're winning---does it really matter?

This Week: at UCLA; Pick: Oklahoma 62, UCLA 21

7. Auburn 2-0: Not totally sold on this team. At the moment. The Oregon win was great, but the Tigers struggled with Tulane. #GrowingPains. Better be prepared the schedule gets a lot tougher after this week. This Week: vs. Kent State; Pick: Auburn 45, Kent State 13

8. Utah 2-0: Hey, look, it's a Pac 12 team in the Power Poll. For now at least. The Utes certainly look the part out west. The conference is there for the taking if they're up to the task. This Week: vs. Idaho St; Pick: Utah 48, Idaho St. 10

9. Notre Dame 1-0: The Irish will go as far as Ian Book takes them this season as the schedule is pretty brutal. The only question is are they looking ahead to a trip to Athens, Ga next week?? This Week: vs. New Mexico; Pick: Notre Dame 37, New Mexico 17

10. Florida 2-0: Here because they're undefeated, but what do we really know about the Gators? The defense appears to be stout, the offense as usual is a question mark. Last week meant nothing, they played Tennessee-Martin. This Week: at Kentucky; Pick: Florida 27, Kentucky 23

11. Wisconsin 2-0: Traditionally the biggest "Tease" team in America, the Badgers have rolled the 1st two weeks against teams they, well, didn't break a sweat against. It's later in the season where they tend to fold against better competition. This Week: BYE

12. UCF 2-0: Say what you want, the Knights just keep winning. Sure this season it's been directional Florida schools, but so what?? They've barely missed a beat. We're about to find out though if UCF can hang with some of the "Big Boys". This Week: vs. Stanford; Pick: UCF 37, Stanford 31



So---this is where we get to mock the worst teams in America which usually inhabit places like Conference USA or the MAC or Sun Belt. Welp, not this week---we got some Power 5 folk who are pretty damn awful at this point of the season.

Which is great!

5. South Florida 0-2: Anyone betting on how long Charlie Strong keeps his job?? The Bulls started 8-0 in 2018. They haven't won a game since. It may change this week, but it's fun to put what was once considered a good team here. This Week: vs. SC State; Pick: USF 23, South Carolina State 16

4. Liberty 0-2: The Hugh Freeze traveling carnival show has not started well. Honestly, I got no sympathy for them either. Spending lots of money for a questionable coach and trying to compete on a national stage should not be part of this school's mission. But then again $$$$

This Week: vs. Buffalo; Pick: Buffalo 37, Liberty 21

3. Oregon State 0-2: D'oh! The Beavers haven't been good for awhile. And hey, maybe they'll be better this season. But right now--they couldn't stop you, me and 9-sportswriters from scoring on them. This Week: vs. Cal Poly; Pick: Oregon St. 31, Cal-Poly 17

2. UCLA 0-2: Oh, Chip Kelly....So I'm thinking Mr. Kelly may not be the College Football savant many seemed to think he was. What about you? UCLA was pretty bad last year, they seem to be worse this year. Didn't think that would be possible. This Week: vs. Oklahoma/See #6 in above poll

1. Tennessee 0-2: Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory seems to be common in Knoxville these days. Jeremy Pruitt had the quote of the week accusing players of being rats jumping off the Titanic as they flee his chaos. Ooopsie. Karma much? This Week: vs. Tenn. Chattanooga; Pick: Tennessee 21, Chatt. 10 (nervous pick)....

And...we're done--what sayeth you??

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